DAY SEVEN INSTALLMENT TWO

TOWARDS A NEW GENRE IN TASTING NOTES
or, why I should probably just learn Italian instead


A recent language log post talks about text analysis by comparing ranked wines with the words used to rank them. Numbers...ick! But I'm just mostly interested in the 20 words most strongly associated with poorly ranked wines:

detergent 80.3
ungenerous 80.4375
shrill 80.5714
mean 80.6154
? 81.2
odd 81.24
meager 81.3333
sulfur 81.6333
aspirin 81.641
bobbing 81.6905
cardboard 81.7955
limp 81.8276
chemical 81.931
oxidized 82.0714
dull 82.1048
stemmy 82.1321
bite 82.1333
jumbled 82.2
scorched 82.25
tough 82.25
tired 82.2581


And I loved this example:

Hazy, pale golden color. Funky, old canned vegetable and lemon detergent aromas follow through to a bittersweet medium-bodied palate with wet hay, fruit stones, orange drink, and honey candy flavors. Finishes with a tannic citrus peel fade.

Funky, old canned vegetable? This reminded me of something. So I started cruising for cruel tasting notes. But then I realized that no one who was able to write a half-decent tasting note would  subject their pallate to Turkish non-exports. And people who write tasting notes dress up their contempt in such a way that it isn't really very satisfying to read - not enough zingers for my style.

For example...I read these:

Sarafin Shiraz 2007 Turkey 15 Drink 2009-11 
Contains 5% Cabernet Sauvignon apparently. 
Dark crimson. Rather reduced? And very taut and austere on the finish. Not much juicy fruit in the middle. Young vines and reductive winemaking?

Doluca, Kav Boğazkere/Öküzgözü 2006 Turkey 15.5 Drink 2008-10 

Boğazkere 55%, Öküzgözü 45%. 
Healthy red. Sweet and a little spritzy even with some rather obvious acid. You can taste the tannins and maybe some added acid? Not very harmonious.

Doluca, Signium 2006 Turkey 15 Drink 2010-12
Shiraz 54%, Boğazkere 33% (don't know what else is in this blend which was aged in a mix of American and French oak for 13 months).
Very dark crimson. Quite a bit of oak on the nose, lots of acidity and a bit of hole in the middle. Astringent. Not quite whole.

Doluca, Karma Shiraz/Boğazkere 2007 Turkey 15.5 Drink 2009-12
Shiraz 82%, Boğazkere 18% aged for 15 months in two-thirds US and one-third French oak.
Bright vibrant crimson. Full on, fruit-driven nose. Very direct, no subtlety and rather dry tannins on the finish. Very New World. 

Those are nothing compared to lemon detergent and funky old canned vegetables!

What I think the world needs is a new genre of tasting note - the burn. Like the one above but a bit meaner...this is pretty scathing...let's expand this to conform with the cultivated lexicon and formulaic style of the tasting note and we will have something fun for me to read at work. And to memorize and perform, a bit like a party trick but perhaps with an audience perhaps somewhat more limited than your average party trick. It will have a lot of shock value, because I am sure the trained ear it will sound quite horrifying.

I suppose on the other hand I could just learn more about wine and tasting notes and then perhaps the bitchiness in the above reviews will become more legible and they will be therefore more satisfying to consume. OR maybe I should just learn a new language. Although that might take a good deal longer than it would to be able to pretend I could talk about wine, I would be able to talk about a whole lot of things other than wine, so I think on balance it would be the better choice. So, clearly the answer is Italian.